She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize