i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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