he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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