I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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