So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
