just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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