ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
