note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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