Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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