Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
