so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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