Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
how does that bad decision feel?
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