Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
