OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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