He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You took a bar mat shot.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
