No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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