if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
