He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
