you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
