we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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