Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
