There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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