woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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