i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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