now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
