Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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