we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
