wake up i wanna do it froggy style
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
