Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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