I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
