I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize