I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
