Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
