How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
