Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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