We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
