Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
