i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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