So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
