Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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