fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
