how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
