Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
