new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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