Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
