I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
