exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
