Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
