Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
