I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize