The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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