did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
