it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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