Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
