I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sext me about skeletons
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
