I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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