Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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