I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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