you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
