we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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