last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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