The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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