maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
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He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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